


Finding yourself

by Tacoblook



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, Nonbinary Character, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:22:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28942158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tacoblook/pseuds/Tacoblook
Summary: Imode tells their experience about gender.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Finding yourself

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to say, I am nonbinary myself but also worried to not be the best at writing them lmao, so hope you guys like it.

HARRY: imode, tell me.  
IMODE: Hm?  
HARRY: if it's not too bad to ask, how did you realize you were nonbinary?  
IMODE: Oh, well it's quite a 📖. Not sure how to explain it though 🤷 

Three years ago, a young person stands in their bedroom. For now you don't have a name. You don't know how you feel like, something's missing, a sparkle of light that you can't reach.  
You look at yourself in the mirror, it's supposed to be you, but it doesn't feel like you.  
You've been seen as someone since many years, but what if you wanted to be different? What if you just wanted to say "fuck it" and become a whole different person.

You look at your hair, it's long, too long. You want a haircut. You reach for a pair of scissors and don't wait any longer.  
And off it goes, you're not an expert of hairdressing, but the fact it looks shorter already eases your mind.  
You try to go out of the house without being seen, but you fail miserably and get the attention of your Dad. 

He looks at you and asks why your hair looks shorter. You mutter a few words about feeling better like this. Your dad says nothing, just give a pat on the head and tells you as long as you're happy with it. You feel something warm in your heart, as if it suddenly melted in your chest. But now's the time for crying, you need to get to school.

Once there, you feel weird. You look around at the other kids, why does it feel like you're being stared at? Did they notice this sudden haircut? Why your melted heart suddenly feel cold again? You feel... different, like you don't belong here... air... You need air... 

You rush in the bathroom, you're about to break into tears but try your best to hold it back. You lock yourself in one of the stalls, sit on the toilet and hug your knees close to your chest. You knew it, this try-out was a terrible idea, everybody hates it, you need to go back to normal, the one that everybody prefers. You are... 

"hey, is someone in there?" A voice suddenly echoes into the bathroom. You forgot, this is a public place, of course someone would get in at some point. You don't respond, you're just sniffling and wiping away your tears. 

"sorry i didn't want to bother you, but i heard sobs and just wanted to ask if you're okay." You look down on yourself, if you're okay, then this is the worst state of okay you'd ever see. You finally raise your voice through sobs. 

"I'm... nothing, i'm different." 

"what? that's not true, everybody is something, and unique!" Unique... That's what you inspire to be, but what if this unique is the one that everybody hates?  
You stand up quietly, and timidly opens the door to look at who's talking to you. Your beige eyes suddenly meet blue ones. 

"hi, i'm harry!" He smiles at you, it feels so geniune, you're not sure what to respond. You just go out holding your arm with your hand.

"I'm... um..." Your name, what is your name? You were sure you had one yesterday but you suddenly don't remember it. The boy looks at you confused. 

"you don't have a name? or you want me to give you one maybe?" You blink, give you one? Would he be able to name you. 

"no problem, just tell me what you'd prefer!" 

"I want... something unique, something that nobody else has... and that it means i am me, without any etiquette..." He looks at you for a moment, holding his hand close to his chin thinking by himself, when he suddenly snaps his fingers. 

"i'm not sure but, what do you think of... imode?"

You stop blinking for a second, your mind wanders in another place, you imagine yourself in your daily life, but everyone suddenly calls you by that name. 

Imode! 

Imode...  
You look at the boy, and you smile. 

"I... love it." He smiles too, he looks glad to have helped you. 

"hey, since we're here how about we spend the day together?" You hesitate for a second but nod, afterall this guy was really nice with you.

Your mind was lighter that day, you spent the whole day with this boy, as he kept calling you with that name he found, and you liked it, you really liked it. It's who you are now, and you don't feel like changing. 

HARRY: imode? you there?  
IMODE: Huh? Oh sorry i was lost in my 💭  
IMODE: Well about my 📖... let's say i found someone that helped me find myself.  
HARRY: wow, that person must feel so happy knowing that. 

Both of them didn't realize that they met before. It took a long time for Imode to actually realize who they were, but Harry was the turning point they needed in their life. So maybe they once were separated, but in the end, they were reunited again.


End file.
